DearDiaryToo

I light candles I cross sticks outside mye new doorway to the tent its warmer now at night butt dark. I try not to feel anything at all I want to survive I need to LIVE I am no good to anyone unless I can live and survive. Depression is held in abeyance. Inn a bubble of survival A tent in the wilderness. I dare not think of her at all. Or I will cry. Or I will miss her too many. I could even die uncertain of mye future now. I do one more day of mye time. It is torture. Passing the time dressing undressing dressing boots pulled them on then pulled them off again. Inn a strang paroday of humane life. Les Misery, cutt off from online systematic memories I find nothing butt a mechanical RObotic function. I dare not drink the water here or anything but coffee when I go into the town I drink Coffee found around when home; I drink carbonated water in those plastic 2 Liter Bottles. I function often on a Primative level I SUFFER like the GOD before me this Jesus whom I study. He watches over me with ANgel wings and SWords drawn this way and that way against mye enemy the dark night out there in the snow outside mye tent it lurks it waits it anticipates. Jesus keeps it all intact for me in the day while I am gone disecting a Town for food and clothing to bring back to mye shelter my self-imposed Prism cell of bizzaro life. As I contemplate the explainnation of mye life story as I write. And so I write. DearDiaryToo.